There are ladies who chastise their husband without any encouragement. So if the encouragement was there, what may have happened? Imagine that. Because what happens is, in fact it is a question of the relationship between man and wife is a psychological question, more than a question of dictates of any religion. What happens is that some people are psychologically dominated and some are domineering. Sometimes men are domineering and sometimes women are domineering. And in the societies where women are domineering, it is the ladies who transgress and beat their husbands.
And where occasionally men are domineering, then they will do the same. So if men are domineering and they hasten to beat their wives and transgress and go beyond limits, they have to be checked and kept in order. So it is a check upon such men, not a permission. And if you consider the order of the verse, then you will understand the meaning. The Arabs were warriors with very strong characters and very violent temperaments. With them to beat or kill a woman was just nothing. With them to kill their own daughters was just a joke.
So they were the first addressees whom the Holy Quran addressed and wanted to temporize them and to bring them to more modesty. So this verse chastises the men and tells them that you have no right to beat women even if they rise against you, unless you take the following steps. Now you follow the steps and then you will understand that if these steps are taken, then there will not be any question of any man beating his wife. Because the first step which is told, the Holy Quran admonish those of them on whose part you are afraid of disobedience.
First of all you must admonish. When a man is angry, what happens is that at the height of his anger he strikes. And if he is told to wait and admonish, the anger will disappear. Even you, when you treat your children or your friends during the height of anger, it is possible that you may strike them. But if you are suddenly reminded that here you are not permitted as yet to strike, first start admonishing. The moment you begin admonishing, the occasion of striking will never arise in fact. Yet if somebody persists despite good admonishment, somebody persists in ill behaviour and revolt and rebellion, even then the husbands are not permitted to beat. They are told to keep their beds separate.
Now this is a punishment for the husband as well if it is a punishment for the wife. More so for a husband than for the wife. Now if the beds are separated, whatever anger there was in man would automatically subside and get punctured entirely. Because suppose for 15 days or a month he lives in the same house, the point which aroused anger has been left behind by weeks. Now will he ever think of striking the woman at that time? He will in fact try to mend the things and beg pardon of the wife and say forget it, now let’s join hands again.
So that is the psychological situation which will naturally arise and this is what has been advised in this verse of the Holy Quran. Yet if all this happens and the wife is persistent in his ill behaviour and bad tongue, and all these efforts on the part of man do not cure the ill temper of the wife, and he still has the mood to beat, then he is permitted alone. Not before. And such women we know in the society, in the Punjabi language, they are called kapatis. When the women want to be irritated, you can’t beat them, it’s impossible. And in every society such women are found. It is those women who are described here. Why do you put yourself into that position and think as if Allah has revealed this verse about you? Such a woman who after all this, that she gives cause to husband to be offended, yet the husband does not beat and admonishes in the best terms, such a noble man is further annoyed.
And he says, alright baby, take your bed away, leave me alone. And that woman continues to annoy him. Such a woman would be a kapati. The only treatment, the only language she would understand is this. Chastisement, bodily chastisement. So it’s a progressive chastisement through tongue, through separation, and then through bodily punishment. Now this type of psychological treatment is a must whether you like it or not. And as far as the reality goes, some men beat their women and some women beat their men, so it is almost an equal balance situation. No one has any real objection against the others. And the right to object.
I tell you something. There was in Lahore, for example, and Khalid Ahmad Sahib would bear me out. There was a gentleman, a senior officer in Secretariat. To name his wife in his presence was to terrorize him. He would go into shudders. And such staunch men as Chaudhary Abdullah Khan Sahib would not dare to enter that house, even if he were invited by the husband to come and have some dinner with him. So there are such ladies as well. And of course there are such men as well. So that is a seesaw game, it goes on. Sometimes men are at fault and sometimes women are at fault. But this treatment I think is the most appropriate psychological treatment, which if carried out, unfortunately it is not carried out. If it is carried out in these steps, will give no occasion for any man to beat his wife. And the life of the Holy Prophet is an ideal example. Sometimes his wives also gave him occasion to be angry. The maximum step he took was to separate his bed. And such an occasion never arose.
So if you want men to follow Hazrat Muhammad Mustafa’s example, why not follow his wife’s example yourself? And if you both behave like this, this verse will be applicable only in the first two parts, not in the third one. Because it is known that Hazrat Muhammad Mustafa never had to raise his hand against his wife. In another way, those who love Hazrat Muhammad Mustafa should never make use of this permission. Because this permission was also for the Holy Prophet. But his example told us that following the first two steps, the third one was made unnecessary. So if you truly love him, you follow him and such a situation will never arise.
